Wrong Choices
by crazygemma
Summary: Season 7 is reversed. Abby is with Carter yet she is regretting it. Both she and Luka wish they were together, will they get together? Please r/r!!
1. Default Chapter

Wrong choices  
  
"Abby" Carter gently touched her shoulder "Are you awake?" He glanced at the alarm clock by Abby, and saw that it read 5:45am. He waited for a response before asking again "Abby"  
  
"What?" She rolled over and rubbed her eyes "It's the middle of the night"  
  
"Sorry. I think we should talk" He took her hand and played with her delicate fingers  
  
"About what?" She opened her eyes and looked at him. Whenever she had heard the words 'We need to talk' before, it usually signalled the end of a relationship or a confession which would then lead to the ending of a relationship. It always brought bad news.  
  
"Where do you see us headed? I mean do we have a future together. I really like you Abby, but I get the feeling that you.... That you're not as committed as I am"  
  
"What makes you say that?" She looked confused, and rubbed her eye. She had just been woken up and she now faced a long conversation about their relationship.  
  
"Well, we've been going out for what 6 or 7 months now and we don't seem to be progressing. We haven't discussed the future at all. We alternate between sleeping at my house or your apartment and that's about it" He looked at her and he could tell she was thinking  
  
"What's wrong with the way we are? We have fun and get on well. Why do we need to change?" She was shocked, she couldn't understand why Carter felt the need to change things, and to be honest she didn't want to commit to anything at the moment. She had some doubts about her relationship with Carter, and her divorce had only been finalised for a year. Her mother was settled, taking her medication and she had good friends at work. She resented the thought of change  
  
"Is this what its going to be like forever? We work, go out for dinner or order take-out, we have sex and go to sleep. You don't talk to me, you talk to Luka" He surprised himself at the way he spat out Luka. It made him look like he hated him, but he didn't, he just resented him because Abby felt able to talk to him. He knew that Luka liked Abby, more than a friend and he knew that there was a possibility that Abby felt the same, but he didn't know what to do. He looked at Abby and she was playing with the edge of the quilt, not looking up at him.  
  
"Luka is my friend. I don't see why you have a problem with it. And at the moment, I'm happy with the way things are. I don't want to change things" She looked at the clock. 6:00am. She hoped Carter didn't say 'I love you', or 'Do you love?' She didn't want to lie to him, or hurt him but she didn't love. She was having doubts about their relationship, yet he seemed to be getting more serious  
  
He took her hand "I don't have a problem with you and Luka. Really" He looked at her, trying to convince her, and himself "Lets live together" He surprised himself, he didn't mean to say that. He'd been thinking about it, but he hadn't meant to say it aloud. He watched her shocked face for a reaction.  
  
"Wow. I don't know what to say. I… I mean.. We.. " She paused, and looked at him. He was biting his lip, which he did when he was nervous. She didn't want to hurt him, but living together? "I really don't know what to say. I... We've never discussed anything like this. I'll have to think about it...I... we... Do you mind?" She was truly shocked, and scared. Why did he have to complicate things?   
  
"Of course I don't mind" he smiled "I know this is unexpected. I shocked myself by saying it, but I think it would be a good thing for us"   
  
She looked at the clock. 6:10am. Did she want to live with him? She knew it would be better then living with Richa...6:10am? Shit. She had to be at work for half past. She jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom  
  
"Carter, I'm sorry. I've gotta be at work in like 20 minutes. You're on at 10am, aren't you?' She asked whilst frantically brushing her teeth  
  
"Yeah" He worked into the bathroom and placed her scrubs on the radiator whilst she combed her hair.  
  
"Thanks" she said, "We'll talk later OK?"  
  
"Sure" he planted a kiss on her cheek "I'm going back to bed for a bit"  
  
A few minutes later, she ran out the bathroom, gave him a quick kiss goodbye, grabbed her bag and ran out the apartment. She sat on the El and thought. She didn't want to live with Carter. She liked things the way they were.  
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
She sipped the steaming coffee and wrapped her hands round it for warmth. She watched though the windows of the doctor's lounge as another trauma. It was 12 noon and she was on her lunch break, though she was anything but hungry. She had spoken to Carter briefly but she was secretly thankful that the many traumas had kept them both busy and separated. She had spoken to Luka, and told him about Carter but he had been called away. She liked Luka. He was caring, considerate, compassionate, good on the eyes and had a good sense of humour, everything you needed in a friend, and a possible life partner. What? What had she jut thought? She was dating Carter, she shouldn't be thinking of Luka in this way. She liked Carter as well. He was cute, caring and he would take care of her. She left the lounge, still holding her coffee and headed for the roof. She needed to think.  
  
She stared out at the skyline. She could make out the river and the constant sound of sirens from the ambulance bay below made her head ache but she liked it here. She could think without interruption as few people came up here. In fact she had only ever seen Luka up here. She was alone today, her, a cup of coffee and a few pigeons were the only souls on County roof.  
  
She sat and thought. Silently she weighed up the pros and cons. Carter cared about her, and she knew he would protect her. He was a good man, and she had known few of those in her life. Her mother had always picked the bad ones, yet she had always told her and Eric that their father was the best. Carter wouldn't cheat on her, like Richard had, and he would support her. Despite thinking about all the positive things, an uneasy feeling still inhabited her stomach. Maybe it was fear, she had committed herself to Richard and he had taken advantage of her. Carter wouldn't do that, he was...  
"Abby" she recognised the European accent  
"Hey" she said  
"What are you doing here?" he asked  
"Thinking, is it still chaos down there?"  
"Well. We haven't had any traumas in around half an hour but Weaver is gonna fire Dave at any second and we are down 2 nurses but its OK. Thinking about you and Carter?" He knew the answer before he asked the question, but he still asked  
She nodded "I don't want to live with him" she said quietly as she turned and gazed at the city  
"Tell him, He might be hurt but he'll be grateful that you've been honest with him"  
"I will but I... I..." she paused  
"You don't have to tell me" he sat down next to her  
"I don't want to be with him anymore" she whispered, as this was the first time she had admitted what she was feeling  
"You should tell him" He looked at her, and looked at her pretty face. Angst was painted across her face and how he wished he could scoop her up and take care of her, but he knew that he couldn't. Despite the strong feelings he felt for her, he didn't want to risk their friendship by telling her how he felt. He wanted her in his life, even if it was only as his friend  
"I know. I like him, he's been so good to me but it doesn't feel right anymore. I think I've been kidding myself, trying to force myself into liking him but I can't anymore. I need to tell him, but I don't want to hurt him. He deserves better than me"  
"Abby just because you are ending a relationship doesn't make you a bad person. In fact it makes you a better one because you are being honest and preventing more hurt being done" He put his hand on her arm as he spoke "I'm always here for you, if you need me, you know that, don't you?"  
She looked at him "Thank you Luka. I don't know what I would do without you"  
"Well considering how much coffee you drink and how many cigarettes you smoke, you'd probably overdose on caffeine and nicotine" he joked  
"I drink the same amount of coffee as the next person, and I only smoke occasionally." she laughed "How did your date go last night?" She felt the smile leave her face as she asked him. She hoped it would be bad, yet this made her feel worse. Luka was her friend, and she wanted him to be happy yet the thought of him with another woman upset her more than she had first thought.   
"Well, lets just say it was a new experience" he smiled  
"That bad?"  
He nodded "But hey, at least I got to go the opera for the first time of my life. I can honestly say it will be the last time of my life, but at least I got to go"  
She laughed  
"I hate the opera. It's painful. I should go, Weaver will fire Dave and me if I don't return and I need to talk to Carter. Thanks again"  
"Ok, see you later, and remember you know where I am night or day if you need me, "  
"Thanks. I may take you up on this, I have the feeling that I'm not only dumping a boyfriend but I'm losing a friend as well" She opened the door to the stairs "See you later"  
"Bye" he called  
  
************************************************************************************************  
  
"Dr Weaver, Have you seen Carter" Abby asked  
"He suturing some in Curtain 4 I think, he might need a hand"  
"Thanks" she turned and walked down the hall  
  
She opened the door and say Carter peering at a big open wound an a unconscious bikers leg "Hey"  
"Hi" he said, looking up.  
"We need to talk" she said quietly...  
  
  



	2. Raised voices!

  
"Ok" He replied not looking up, concentration painted across his brow.  
She sat down on a nearby stool, before she fell down. She really didn't want to hurt Carter but she felt the need to be honest with him.   
"Are you OK?" He gazed at her before continuing stitching the gaping wound lay out in front of him.  
"I'm fine. I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to come out with it. I think we should break up," she said, whilst looking at him for a reaction. "I'm sorry"  
"What?" He had expected Abby to say she didn't want them to move in together but he hadn't expected this. "Abby?" he placed the equipment he was holding down on the table and turned to face her "Is this because I suggested we live together? Because if it is, I really don't mind if you don't want to. I thought it would be good for us but if you're not ready, I don't mind."  
"No. It's not because of that, I just feel like our relationship has run its course. I'm sorry. I..." She stared down at her hands  
"Abby I love you, don't do this. We could be happy together"   
"No John, we cant. Don't you see? I love you too, but not in the way you want me to. Your one of the closest friends I have and you've been probably the nicest boyfriend I've ever had but it doesn't feel right anymore. Its not fair to let you believe that everything is OK when it isn't"  
"What's not OK? We have fun, and we get on well"  
"You said it yourself this morning 'We eat, have sex and sleep' that's it. I just… I'm sorry."  
Carter started getting angry and raising his voice "For gods sake Abby! I've been trying to get closer to you and you just keep pushing me away. Don't make this sound like it is my fault because it's not"  
"I never said it was you fault! Why won't you listen to me?"  
He stood up and started pacing, which made Abby feel like a schoolgirl in trouble. "I've tried to support you and be there for you. I've tried to make our relationship more serious but you keep pushing me away. Why can't you trust me? I don't think I've treated you badly. I've supported you with your mother, cared for you, listened to you when you can be bothered to talk to me" His voice was getting louder and louder, and he emphasised the part about her not talking to him. She knew other people would be able to hear the disagreement, in fact she saw Elizabeth and Mark watching. She glared at them and they turned and walked away slowly, still listening. They'd be today's gossip but at this moment she didn't care. People would soon find out that they were no longer an item.  
This hurt Abby "Well, I'm sorry if I find it difficult to talk to people but that's the way I am. I don't see the need to change, and you shouldn't keep trying to change me! And what exactly do you want me to say to you? "  
"You could tell me how you feel about things, or what you think! You shouldn't bottle up your emotions or you are going to become an even more emotionally dysfunctional person than you already are!"  
"Listen Carter, I think I should go and you should calm down before we both say things we don't mean!" She stood up slowly, tried to conceal the hurt that was welling up inside her. She desperately wanted to reply to what he had just said but she didn't, she kept her dignity and remained tight-lipped.  
"Is their someone else?"  
"What? For fucks sake Carter."  
"Luka. I bet he has something to do with this"  
"Carter now you're being ridiculous and pathetic. Why do you have to bring Luka into everything? He's my friend, so what? I don't criticise your friends or assume that you are cheating me! Grow up!"  
"Well I'm sorry, Abby. I'm just finding this a little hard to believe. Ok I admit that I thought you were a little less committed than me but I never expected you to turn round and dump me, and now when I try to find out why, you call me ridiculous and pathetic! I don't understand why? We get on well and we've rarely fight"  
"Carter can't you just except that our relationship is over? "  
"Fine. I'm going. I thought you were a caring person Abby," he said as he walked towards the door "I've never seen this side to you before and to be honest I don't like it! I never knew you could be so cold and cruel. I'm glad you've ended this because this discussion has shown me how heartless you really are!" He walked out the room and slammed the door, leaving Abby on her own. It hadn't gone well but what did she expect? Breaking up with someone always hurt at least one person and she had achieved this. She assumed she would cry, as even though she had ended the relationship but she didn't feel anything. Was she an emotionally dysfunctional person? She felt she could talk to Luka. She didn't know why, he made her feel safe and she got the impression that she could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge her. Was she really a cruel and heartless person? Honesty was always the best policy but at this moment she was starting to think that she should have kept her mouth shut.   
She walked out the room feeling completely and utterly depressed. It was the end of her shift, as she was only covering for Chuni, and Luka had already left. She wanted to talk to him but she didn't know if she should go. She desperately wanted to download all the troubles building up inside her, but what if he turned her away. People had always made excuses when she tried to confide in them, various people had done it throughout her life so she rarely bothered trying now. He had said he was there is she needed him and she really needed his support right now, but had he meant it? One thing circled round her mind, should she go and find out, or should she go home alone?  



	3. everybody hurts sometimes

  
She didn't say a thing as she left the ER. She knew people were discussing the argument, she could tell.They kept giving her funny looks. She hadn't seen Carter since they had spoken, but she knew he was still around.His shift didn't finish until 8pm, and she didn't think he would have left. She simply assumed he was avoiding her. People, especially her fellow nurses, were trying to figure out the reason for the break up and when ever she got close, everything went quiet or people changed the subject.   
In the lounge she put on her coat and buttoned it up. It was a cold April day, and she couldn't wait to be as far away from here as possible. She hated being the centre of attention, it reminded her of various events throughout out her childhood, like when her mom ran down the street naked, or when she flipped out on a plane, and 4 air hostesses had to try and calm her down 40'000 feet in the air. The whole plane stared at Abby for the rest of the flight, a mixture of horror, sympathy and fear tattooed on their faces. She walked out the ER and breathed a sigh of relief.   
She glanced at her watch, and saw it was almost 3pm. Her stomach grumbled, as she hadn't had breakfast or lunch. Despite the cold air circling around her and the sharp wind whipping her cheeks, she decided to walk home. This would give her time to think, and pick something up to eat. She wanted someone to put their arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be OK. She felt awful as Carter looked devastated, and he'd hurt her feelings, something that few lucky individuals managed to achieve. The solid wall that she had built around her meant that most hurtful comments went passed un-noticed.  
She was half way home when she spotted her favourite small Chinese take-away. It was dingy but she didn't care. The food was nice. She was starving so she crossed the street and walked in.  
The owner was on the phone "Hello Dr Kovac" Abby looked up and listened to the man taking his order "The same as usual? Good. Would you like us to deliver or are you going to pick it up? Ok, hang on a sec" He covered a the hand piece and shouted back to the kitchen "A number 22, 36 and 25 to be picked up in 15 minutes"  
Picked up? This meant Luka would be coming here. Maybe they would run into each other.  
The owner resumed his conversation with the doctor and interrupted Abby's trail of thought "Sorry about that Dr Kovac. Did you know that you really are one of our best customers? I'm sure there must be other take-aways closer to your hotel." Abby watched the man's oriental face as he listened to Luka reply "No. I'm not a fan of Thai food either. Well I'll see you in 15 minutes. Bye" He placed the handset down and looked at Abby.  
"Hi, Can I have crispy fried duck, egg fried rice and some chicken and sweetcorn soup please?"  
"Of course, but that'll be around a 15 minute wait"  
"That's fine," she said quietly  
He rang the bill up on the till, "That's $11.97 please"  
She handed him a $20 note, and accepted the change.  
"Thank you" he smiled before turning around and taking the order into the kitchen.  
Abby sat on the seat and peered up at the old black and white TV balanced a shelf. An old Country and Western was playing. She hated them; She never understood the fascination with them. She looked round the shop and pushed her hair behind her ears. She was worried about Carter; she didn't want to loose his friendship. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she blinked them away. The anger she had felt earlier had melted away and now she felt like crying. Carter had looked so surprised, had he really had not clue about the way that she felt?   
"Abby?" she looked up and saw Luka peering down at her. From where she was seated he looked taller than usual.  
She tried to smile but the tears sprang back to her eyes.  
"Mr Kovac" the man brought out his order, along with Abby's, before Luka could say anything to her.  
"Thank you" he said, as he handed over a $20 note, picking up both bags. "Keep the change"  
He turned round to see Abby standing outside the store, her back towards him. Was she crying? She looked so fragile and hurt, and he could see tears in her eyes. He had never seen her cry, not even why her mother was being resuscitated in front of her. She always remained composed. He walked out the shop  
"You OK?" He knew this was a stupid question but he didn't know what else to say  
She nodded  
"Well I can tell your not, you've spoken to Carter haven't you?"  
She nodded again  
"I don't think you should be on your own at the moment, you don't have to talk if you don't want to but you can come back to my hotel for a bit, if you want"  
"Thanks" she said "But my apartment is 5 minutes away, do you mind if we go there?"  
"Of course" and he started walking. He didn't want to ask her too many questions in case she thought he was prying; yet he didn't want her to think that he didn't care. Luckily she broke the silence  
"Why do you use that Chinese takeaway?"  
"Well as I've lived in that hotel for I dunno, 14 months and I know the room service menu of by heart, so I started trying different take-outs. This is the best I've found"  
"Why don't you get yourself a place?" She asked as she unlocked the door to her apartment block"  
"Well I thought about it but to be honest I don't really know that much about Chicago. I'm comfortable in the hotel, and seeing as I've been working so much recently, I haven't had time to look" he said as they walked into her apartment  
He put the two bags down in a table and looked round to see that Abby had vanished  
"Sit down, make yourself at home" she called from her bedroom. "I'm just changing out my scrubs"  
Two seconds later she walked out the room to find Luka sitting on her couch, taking the food out the bag. She sat on the couch. They both started to eat, until Abby spoke softly, her eyes focused on the floor.  
"I talked to Carter" she started...  



End file.
